Dear C –

It is not the best time for me. Unlike the tofu in this poem I am complaining. Maybe it’s pre-birthday blues, maybe it’s general dissatisfaction with the whole direction of life. Who knows? D. has gone to surf and I have stayed home this Friday night. I just can’t face a drive. It’s a lovely evening but I’ll be staying inside eating my feelings (Ethiopian take out likely) and listening to Paul McCartney. Who would no doubt applaud your tofu enthusiasm.

I didn’t grow up eating tofu and I was recently asking my friends about their childhood tofu experiences. I guess I didn’t ask you! My Ukrainian immigrant mother embraced a lot of California things of the early 80s, but carob and tofu weren’t in her mix that I recall. I can’t pinpoint my first tofu exposure nor my aha tofu moments.

I’m much more into tofu, tempeh, and beans as my carnivorous cravings decrease. Although not seitan. Never seitan. Change my mind.

I love tofu from this spot – since they stopped coming to my farmer’s market I’m not getting it much. That kind of high end tofu is delicious just seasoned / briefly marinated, sliced and served over a bed of greens. And then there’s all these fun tofu options – also local to me and also not cheap. I particularly love the yuba sheets which are basically tofu pasta one can cut to preference.

The real game changer for me with tofu – beyond learning to press and marinate – has been freezing. The resulting spongy version soaks up any sauce or marinade with alacrity and makes it a crowd pleaser – great grilled, great in stir fries. Even good in salads. I imagine you’ve tried it? I have some marinating in my fridge right now (for soooome time) but in this depressed state I can’t bring myself to do anything about it. I think this one is sitting in tamari, coconut aminos, garlic, maybe some rice vinegar….

In low times, it’s always long-form noodles that speak to me. I blitzed a very quick cheese-free pesto (1 bunch basil, half a handful of walnuts halves, 5 or so cloves garlic, salt, olive oil, lemon juice) yesterday in the Cuisinart and have been eating in on fancy fresh spinach fettucine for the past 2 days.

When I am this down my appetite is insatiable – in both senses. I can’t get enough to eat and nothing satisfies. I play my favorite game “If you could eat anything right now, what would you eat?” and I haven’t got an answer. I played a couple weeks ago with a friend on a hike and she wanted a hand pie from a spot in Richmond, Virginia, and I was just stymied. Normally I’ve got a complex combination of yearnings, kind of like in this book.… And usually just asking the question turns on a light for me – but not lately. Just a gnawing vacuous maw.

I can’t imagine making your commute day to day. I wish I had something useful to say beyond that. Sending you much love.

Much love —

M.

P.S. I love my Instant Pot and use it most to make scrap stock and it’s also great for chicken soup. More about all that next time. Miss you.